And then I remember how to breath by Sneh Advani
I remember my first nightmare
I didn’t wake up breathing hard and upright
Like they show in the movies
I was as still as I could be,
Hoping that if I play dead it would leave me alone.
I didn’t feel like I was dying
I just wanted to.
It took me an hour to fall asleep, but I slept
I remember my first hallucination
I heard his voice at the turn of the hallway
Two months after he died
I remember seeing snakes in a room where the wildest thing was my mind
I remember my first love
Entering my life like napalm in a microwave
Soft as a lullaby
Strong like spidersilk.
I have been poked and pulled and turned and forged
And that is how I have learned to live
I have been given thorns in the guise of a rose
And cut my soul with them, and
That is how I have learned the privilege of life packed within me.
I have torn my enemies down with my teeth,
Carved the scenes in my mind with the edges of what people leave behind,
And that is how I have learned that I too am someone’s legacy
I too will live on as a memory in someone’s darkest hours.